Cramming for my exam and enjoying a perfect fall drink for this perfectly chilly day
We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving … We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins … We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive are our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers … We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything.
I just won a Jules NIP ft in a dip! I paid less than retail! Ahh! I am so excited I could burst!!
It’s 11:05 pm. Gideon is asleep. Diapers are in the washer. Zach’s playing video games.
I should be finishing my english homework. Or starting my abstract that’s due in 25 hours. Or cleaning up the giant messes in my kitchen, bedrooms, and bathroom upstairs.
Instead I keep thinking of what Elise said. That my parents would be proud of me. I’ve been thinking a lot about them the last few days. As Gideon’s first birthday approaches. As I venture with Gideon and Jade on the Megabus for the first time. I think of how much I wish they were here. How my dad would have loved the boys. How so much could be different, yet its not.
And I know sitting and thinking the what ifs won’t help, but some nights when it gets really late and I get more and more sleep exhausted as the nights go by, I can’t help but wonder the person I’d be today if things had been different.
I may be sadder than I might have been, but I am also happier than I might have been too. If I hadn’t dealt with the things I have, then I wouldn’t have Zach, Gideon, Trey, Layla. The roof over my head.
I can’t help wish they were here, but I also know I’m not alone. I feel them watching all the time (no not like spirit ghosts saying hi, its a lot more complicated) I have to believe they are proud of the life and family we are building together.
But oh do I miss them.
Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems. Look for someone who won’t let you face them alone.
Zach came home the other day and told me he had found a boys name he really loved for our next baby.
This is the same guy who two months ago was saying no! no talking about more babies. Gideon is enough.
Now we are talking about March and maybe thinking of trying again in 6 months and I think we have decided on our boys name. I’m not in love with it yet, but I know he is, and seeing him so excited about it just melts my heart.
I know a lot can change in 6 months, but knowing that he’s thinking of another baby is amazing. I’m so excited♥
Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing…
One week from today I will be in Chicago. One week until I get to go visit with Aubree. Seven days.Jade is going with Gideon and I too. Which is awesome. She is going to take me to some awesome soup place and we are going to get cupcakes and cheezies. Which has giant grilled cheese sandwiches, and I am going to eat one and enjoy every bite.
I have so much to do before I can go, but I worked/will work 4 days this weekend (Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday) so between paying off some bills, buying Trey’s new car seat and getting a few more things for the boys parties, I still should have a little bit of spending money for the transit and coffee. We leave on Saturday. There is a book sale at 9:30 and a MOM to MOM sale at 10, and our bus doesn’t leave until 11, so we may try to QUICKLY browse those before heading to the bus stop. Just depends on if we are all ready to go or not.
My week is super crazy and it hasn’t even started yet:
Tonight: Nannying until, well honestly not sure. Work on Abstract #2. may go to meijers. Just depends. I need a small shelf and boxes, but not sure I want to deal with it tonight. Diaper laundry. Dishes. Bed.
Tomorrow: Nannying from 12-6pm. Pick up school book from my sister. Abstract #3, Finish English. Vacuum. Work on Office. Finish Invitations. Put in mailbox. Work on laundry. Study for exam. *HAVE TO TAKE GIDEON’S 11 MONTH PICTURES!*
Monday: Bathrooms. I have trey all day. Finish laundry. Diapers. Nanny at 5. Study for exam.
Tuesday: Treydon from 9a-3p. I have to meet with an adviser and take a test. Vacuum, pick up kitchen, run to store, have small mary kay gathering. Write packing list and food list. Get out suitcases. Wetbag and new carseat should be here. Install treys new seat and install Gideon’s seat in Zach’s car.
Wednesday and Thursday is just watching Trey and getting stuff around and doing homework and housework and school so I don’t have to do it there.
Friday I am getting snacks, packing, and making sure everything is all ready. EEK!
I am so ready for a weekend away.♥
Perfect way to start the day❤️
THE PAINTED LADY WOULD BE SO AMAZING THOUGH!
I KNOW! I want to do it so bad. It is definitely my favorite outfit of hers. We will see if I can convince Zach though.
Zach, Gideon and I are going to go as Avatar the last Airbender characters for Halloween.
I need longer hair. Zach wants one of the harder Zuko costumes to make, and he also wants to get the red contacts…
I wanted to go as the Painted lady, but Zach thinks I should go as a more recognizable Katara.
Gideon is going to be Aang.
After all this work I think a trip to Comic con may be in order.
If you have to choose between me and someone else, pick them. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is going to question if they made the right choice.
Anonymous said: Did you know there is a Gideon in the Bible?
Yes. It wasn’t an original part of why we chose the name, but it is an extra reason why we love the name. :)
Anonymous said: Are you able to add a submission page?
I believe so. I am not sure who would submit anything to my blog though. It’s not really a submission blog. It is more where I blog about my life. My ask box is always open though.
Anonymous said: How did you pick Gideon's name? I was thinking you had answered this before, but I can't find the answer and it is not a part of your FAQ.
It isn’t part of our FAQ? I have been meaning to update it but haven’t. Our “Official name announcement” was over a year ago, so it would take a long time to find it. Yeah I think I’ve answered it but they get lost easily.
Our official name announcement can be found here:
His full name is Gideon Timothy. Named after Gideon prewett (molly weasley’s brother who was killed in the first war with voldemort by 5 death eaters) in harry potter, agent Gideon in seasons one and two of criminal minds and my dad, Timothy Charles.
Gideon means “mighty warrior” and Timothy means “god’s honor”. I think it fits him beautifully. :)